How l First Realized I had Unresolved Childhood Trauma, and How I Resolved Mine. Maybe you can to with this method?
There are four fundamental fears we all can encounter in life and the key to conquering fear is by going back to the physical places in your life where the most pain is.
My Addiction & Desire For Love
I found this out by experiencing how to fix what was holding me back in life, what led me to fail all my classes, become addicted to drugs, and almost end my own life. See the first time I took drugs, I finally loved myself. I took Adderall which stimulates the brain and allows dopamine to flood into the decision making part of the brain. It was when this happened for me that I could understand how to love myself and rationalize everything in my life and make sense of it all. This started a cruel and self-deprecating cycle of me becoming addicted to being less sober, and more numb. Being sober in these cases is one of the hardest things. The whole reason why someone gets addicted to a drug is because how it makes them feel! It shows them a way out of all the pain and maybe even show them some of the beauty in life, why would they want to give that away? For what? A world that showed them nothing but pain. In a world where even they themselves feel undeserving of life. I ended up overdosing 5 times in my plea to my past self to not take over my life by risking ending my own.
My Inner Thoughts
I was afraid of the unknown of what lies in sober thoughts in the dark. I was afraid of being judged because I judged myself so much. I was afraid of taking first steps because I never had anything to push up off of. And finally, I was afraid of losing control pretty much every waking moment of my life because life had never been particularly consistent or stable for me. See, I grew up in a broken home with my single mom and sister. We moved a total of 13 times in my childhood, and that’s not really too high from what others have experienced. A lack of a stable father figure in my life caused me to not know who I was, and worse yet, believe I didn’t deserve to know who I was or who I even could be one day. I started to do research. I started to understand how people have suffered in the past. Take Marilyn Monroe, she suffered from depression while being one of the wealthiest and most famous women of her time. She’s still very recognizable even for current generations which is really something special and a testament to her legacy. However, why would she always like to drink and take drugs? Doesn’t that just make you numb all the time? Well, yeah…Doesn’t that make you forget and blackout if you drink enough? Well, yeah it does do that. There was too much for her to handle. In modern times the spotlight is on both adults and the youth. This spotlight via social media compels them to believe they all have to perform at their highest possible ability even to the point of faking their life which leaves them with no sense of dignity towards their own mental health. Why is it such a mystery that anxiety and depression are their highest levels than ever before in America? These were the type of questions that I had begun to think at this point in time. It was at this point in my life where I was halfway through the worst of my drug addiction problem.
Importance of Education
I started educating myself on how people think, what people think, and more importantly why they think those things. The more I read, the more it all started making sense. I started trying to see the silver lining that maybe if I did enough research into this, I can figure out how to conquer fear. This led me to discover the four fundamental fears that you might recognize from my story earlier: Fear of the unknown, Fear of being judged, Fear of taking the first step, and fear of losing control. Remember that from my story earlier when I realized what my emotions were actually trying to tell me? This brought back the pain of everything I had experienced in life and with understanding the specific times that hurt the most I could more accurately focus my reasoning by getting into researching this specific topic.
Confronting My Fears
So, I drove back to the spots where these traumatic childhood experiences happened, without my phone to distract me from what I was thinking, I realized I was being blown away remembering all the memories that I’ve had. I started having all these flashbacks hitting me from left and right and it made me feel something I hadn’t felt for a while. It felt like that love feeling, like when the first time I took Adderall? I realized that this experience was starting to help me love myself. By facing our fears of trauma, we can make these emotions into memories. Neutral states of time, where even though you might have had a terrible experience, doesn’t mean that at the time in the world, everything was terrible. There were still people getting married and falling in love. There were still family reunions with sports being played by the kids. This whole experience will bring back what happened and the emotions, but now you are there again and you are stronger now and can process what happened more clearly.
What You Should Try
We have to revisit the places we’ve been when we need to heal. But before going to revisit these places, you have to be educated about psychology in order to ensure you will be able to process these emotions and analyze them for why they are entering your mind. Take an afternoon out and leave your cell phone at home. Get your keys to the car, open the door, get in, start the engine, start driving and put some music on. Drive to these places and let your mind free with memories that might come back to you.
Memory Makes Us Human, False Predictions Can Hold Us Back
Our memories are what makes us human. With memories we can learn from our past experiences the farther along we go in life if we have more understanding of the world and how we think. That’s why generally speaking people who experience more in life will be more satisfied in life. They have more to learn and grow from. For those with childhood trauma those traumatic times in their life are more emotion than memory. See when you feel traumatized you try to cope by blocking it out and not facing it. This is the fight or flight system saying run away run away! But this is because the brain knows that a general feeling of depression will put you in danger of dying. And yes we do know that depression literally starts to shorten your life span. We have to convert these emotions we feel from a certain time into a memory by returning to the physical location of where that traumatic event happened.
What if I Don't Think I'm Traumatized?
Even if you think you don’t have childhood trauma, you can actually double check by returning to places of your childhood you think might possibly have been traumatic for you. Return to your present self and bring logic and new insight from your past experiences in life to build bridges for these gaps in your life the trauma created. This will make you feel whole and secure, and safe.
You won’t be afraid of the unknown because you now know you, you are strong and capable. You won’t be afraid of being judged because you understand and love yourself for everything that’s happened in your life. You won’t be afraid of taking the first step because you’ve already taken the first step in life which is wanting to better yourself. You won’t be afraid of losing control because you will have control over your past now which will give you confidence that you will have control of your present no matter what happens.
I’ve now been over a year sober from these drugs, I’ve started 2 businesses already in my life and for the second business, it’s called World Power Designs, and I am studying on how to conquer the four fundamental fears and hope to give people the ability to look in the mirror and see power within yourself as well see the world differently. My hope is that the world will realize, we’re not all so different from one another, and if we want the best for ourselves, we have to start loving and understanding more. Since I’ve learned this process I’ve been loving life even more every day. You just have to have focused reasoning, and a disciplined heart in life, and that only becomes possible when you continue to think differently. Thank you.